i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
