Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
