True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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