i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
