Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
