I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
