I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
