I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
