i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
