yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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