if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
