Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
