for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
