Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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