Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
