now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
