i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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