Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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