our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
