Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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