He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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