i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
