I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
