dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
