I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
