I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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