You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
