yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
