just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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