Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
