i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
