Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
