Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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