Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize