I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
