i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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