Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
