I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
