So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
