I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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