what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
