didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
