Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
