Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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