Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
