You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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