Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
