his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize