Will you blow on my dice?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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