How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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