I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
