he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
