she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
