Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
