He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
