What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
