I just saw a hot homeless man
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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