i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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