I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
