why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We left the knife in your bed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
