My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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