I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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