i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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