i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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