dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
