He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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