there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
