apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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