Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
do nipples grow back?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
