According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
