saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
