The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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