Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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