i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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