it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
