i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
