i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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