new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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