absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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