You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
