tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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