I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
