Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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