god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
